you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
