He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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