Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
