Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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