those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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