ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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