I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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