dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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