Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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