You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We had to coat check the pizza.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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