Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Send help, water and tortillas.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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