his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
