dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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