birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
