He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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