Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ok first of all what the fuck
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
