I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
