..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
