real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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