Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
