It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize