I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
