Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
