We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
