so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
