if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
