All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
