go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish there were birth control emojis
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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