There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
