The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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