you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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