I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
