Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
