I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
