he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
