I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
