guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
