I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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