I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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