I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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