Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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