Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
