Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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