Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
