when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
