There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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