He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
