mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize