Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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