thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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