She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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