this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Congratulations! We have a period
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
