Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
