This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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