My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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