I'm jealous of your bromance
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
