if you like me you must not know who I am
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
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