i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
