who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
