He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
