dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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