I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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