he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize