im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
