she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
