Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
