I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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