Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
