White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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