Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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