Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
