I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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