I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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