i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
