I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
