Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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